Mara

My Dearest Mara,

            There are days when I catch myself thinking about you. The times we had while we were together… I didn’t treat you right and I’m sorry for that, but you continued to love me anyway…

            I knew the moment that you laid eyes on Channing, that he would make you the happiest woman alive. He loves you to no end and I’m glad that you married him. I knew the moment that I met Carm, I would be happy and I am. I feel as if I’m at peace with myself and my demon is finally happy. Carm is my life and she loves me more that words can say.

            Move to LA with him, Mara. You’d love it there. So much shopping and sights to see. So many business opportunities for you. I know how much that you love fashion, so I got you an interview to intern at your favorite fashion line—if you don’t want to do that, I have a few other contacts you can talk too, just ask Channing and he’ll tell you. I want you to be happy, Mara. If you want, you can have visitation with the kids over summer vacation. They can fly out, but Aaron doesn’t like to fly and she’s 5. She’s terrified of heights (but she loves to climb trees…)

            The point is Mara, that yes, I miss you, but we’re much happier with other people. I don’t think you were cut out to be a lesbian and maybe that’s why we weren’t as happy. Channing makes you laugh. I saw how happy you were at the BBQ at the Ranch. I will always love you, Tamara. We’ll always be friends, yes, I’ll miss you when you move to LA. Carm understands and she says, “She’s the mother of your kids—of course you’re going to always lover her—that’s natural.” Ah God… I truly love Carm, Tamara.

            Anyway, with all that said, I love you babe. Channing is so good for you.

Love,

Ayva

Mara

I made a deal with Lucifer (Hades wasn't there at the moment). I wanted our twins to survive. After I left the hospital, I went and talked with him. My grandfather always wants something in exchange. In order for the twins to survive, I had to fuck him. I'm not sorry that I did. I'm just sorry that we had that fight. I guess it was my fault that they were two months early.

It was either go talk to my grandfather or go talk to the head of the demon counsel. If I would've done that, then I would no longer be able to walk the human realm ever again. I would never be able to see you or our children. Another choice would be for me to die, and we all know that you didn't enjoy me dying last time.

I did what I had to do in order for our twins to survive, Tamara. I'm not sorry for doing what I did.

Ayva

Mara

My dearest Mara, 

If you’re reading this, I’m probably dead. I'm deeply sorry for how I treated you. It wasn't right and you deserved better... when you left, I locked myself away into the demon counsel. Sleep avoided me until my body gave out. I figured that you would come back to me. When you didn't, I realized that I fucked up. But my pride refused to let me admit what a fucking bitch I was. I hope that you and our child will be happy. I left the house and everything in it to you. 

I know that you wanted to get married… But I didn’t want you to marry a monster who treated you like shit. I saw how hurt you were when I would come back smelling of other women and nearly verbally abusing you… I wasn’t ready for a mate yet. I didn’t know how to take care of another person. I joined the demon counsel when I was 17 and I had to shut down every emotion (except anger) and be mentally and physically strong. Then you came along and I thought that if I barked orders at you, you’d just take it and fight back. You were fragile going into our relationship and I just made it worse. I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses, but it’s the truth.

Our child will be just as beautiful as you are, my saving grace. I know that you tried to keep our relationship growing and strong, but I wasn’t very willing… I did love you, Tamara… When you left me, after a few days, I realized that you weren’t coming back to me… I sat on the couch and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I sobbed for hours, holding your shirt you forgot and your picture. Trying to hold onto the precious memories that we had made. I didn’t know what else to do so I drank myself to death.

I’m sorry to leave you behind. What I did was fucking selfish… Then again, that’s me, I guess. Live on for our precious child, baby. I’m not able to physically be there, but I will always be watching over you. If we have a son, name him Devril Lucian James…please? I will always love you. I’m just sorry I didn’t treat you better.

Love always and forever,

Ayva

Ayva

Baby,
       You're much better than anyone I had before. And I'm not leaving you just because you're not affectionate after sex. I've had to learn to be strong.
       Baby... You're trying just by letting me stay with you, by loving me... I see how you look at me when you think I'm not looking, how much love there is in your eyes...
       I never said I wouldn't have my weak moments, Ayva, just that you wouldn't have to deal with them.
       Honestly... I sort of did, too. But I do love you.

Love,

Tamara

 

 

PS. I'm not leaving you.

'Mara

Tamara,

You deserve better than me. I'm not a very affectionate person. After sex, I'll push you away or leave. I know that you're strong...

I'm not trying very hard... You're so fucking beautiful and sexy and caring... I couldn't stand if something happened to you. That's why I distance myself... But I'm hurting you in the process.

I came home early and found you up in our bed crying over me. You didn't know that I was there. I never said loving me was going to be easy.

To be honest, when I first met you, I though tall you were was a fuck toy. Somebody I'd fuck and never see again.

I'm ...sorry

Ayva

(P.S.) 

I'll understand if you don't want

to marry me anymore. Just leave

the ring on my desk in my study if you

do change your mind. 

Ayva

Baby,

       I don't mind you bossy. You at least explain why. Mean and bitchy? I've seen worse. I know how you feel... But I like knowing you're happy with me, that you love me. And you're the only person I want by my side. As for the nightmares... You've driven them away. They don't even surface when you're stuck with the council.

       I know you won't. And I rather enjoy the sex. I'm happy I did too. New Orleans is so beautiful! And the food! Soooo good! And Ceasar's happy here too.

       I love you so much, baby... I'm finding out more ways to love you all the time. I don't regret loving you, because you treat me so much better than I thought I could ever deserve. And the council... Does take up more of your time than would be fair to our children if we had them now. Maybe in a few years when things have calmed down, but not now.

       My answer is yes to all your questions, baby. Yes, I will always love you. Yes, I will always make you happy. Yes, I will gladly marry you. And I will happily spend forever with you. I'm glad your demon is happy. I mean it when I say I love all of you, demon side included. You deserve to be as happy as you make me.

 Love,

Mara

Mara

‘Mara,

               

                I know that I seem bossy. I know that I seem mean and bitchy, but I’m not. I’m still getting used to having a mate. As time went on, I realized that I can’t…live without you anymore. I need you by my side. I love you, Tamara. I promise to keep your nightmares and fears away. I noticed that you haven’t had any nightmares about Yuri lately.

                I’m not a very easy person to live with sometimes, but like I told you last night: I will NEVER take my anger out on you—maybe sexually, but I will never verbally or physically or mentally abuse you. I’m happy that you agreed to live with me in New Orleans. Even with that yapping, furry pommy mutt! Don’t get me wrong, the dog is okay and I’m happy as all hell he’s housebroken…

                Anyway, I love you more than you will ever know. I know that I may be gone a lot with the counsel and stuff, but I know that you’re back at home, waiting for me. The reason I don’t want kids right away is because well, I’m not ready—(You’d think I would be, considering I grew up in a rather large family and helped take care of the younger kids below me), the council takes up a lot of my time and theirs you. My darling, precious Tamara; my sweet, sexy angel. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. My dad says that about my mom all the time. Even as a half demon, I don’t know how I even deserve you with all the horrible things I’ve had to do.

                “Starting over” with you should be fun. I already asked you to be my mate and you said yes. But ‘Mara, baby…

Would you marry me?

Would you spend the rest of your life with me?

                Would you make me happy and love me forever? I’m not saying that it’ll be easy and all a bed of roses… I want you to be mine. My demon is finally content now… She’s not as bitchy and angry. She’s actually purring now.

I love you. I don’t want to ever lose you, baby.

Love,

Ayva