You're the inspiration.

I know we've had our ups and downs as of late... Always screaming and bitching at each other... But I don't know how to make this any more clearer, Mark...
Love,
Sam.


You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
You're always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul

[CHORUS:]
You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring felling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more that I need you
And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see
We're so in love when we're together
And I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart in my soul

Hallelujah

Hallelujah!

You drew those sweet words through my lips...
Head tilted as I arched my back
Never caring who heard
Over and over

Only you could do that to me
Now it's all gone...
Those words don't pass through my lips anymore
What happened?

No need to feel guilty...
Why bother when their's nothing to feel guilty for?
Don't fret
Don't cry

It'll pass soon...
Only if you believe, I guess
But if you don't...
I don't know anymore...

My Saving Grace

You're my saving grace
When I look into your eyes tonight
I know that you know

(*Aaaaaaaand that's as far as I got*)

Mark,

Mark,

It seems like everything was going so well... Then it all goes to shit and then I seem to close off and end up hurting you. Even though you say that you're fine. I can see that you're hurting. And it hurts me to know that I'm the one causing you all the pain. You changed me... And it scares me... Alot... What do you want me to say? I don't know what else to say... I love you and I know that you love me back. This isn't a break up letter... but it can be that if you want it to be. I just want to be my old self again... I look at you laying next to e and I'm wondering how the hell I even made you mine. You always say that its the mate bond... The tug... But I want another explanation. I know I keep asking you for one... But in all honesty, I'm just asking to make sure that I'm not dreaming... You know? You're such a carefree man... You'll do what you want. You're a total badass... I'm sure you're tired of me asking...

I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I came to live with you... Or when I married you... What could I say? Sure, at times I doubt us.. But who doesn't? Sure, at other times I don't even think about it all times. I miss the old me... You keep knocking down my blocks and keep pursuing them... What can I do? I don't want you to become obsessed with me... Thinking you need to be near me every five minutes. I'm not the girly or affectionate type. I won't say "I Love You" every five minutes. I liked how you treated me like one of the guys. Like I didn't have boobs. I really did love that... Now.. You treat me like I'm a woman... You treat me gently. You're way to forgiving... But I guess I'll take it like a man.

I do love you... We butt heads. Alot. We argue. but if we didn't argue, then I'd be slightly worried. I don't want us to be all lovey- dovey. Because, bluntly, I don't do chick flick moments.

Love,
Sam.

Need You Now

So... My Packers won... But... Enough about that...

I'm not very good in expressing myself in words... I prefer song better...

Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey
Can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping
In the way you did before

And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm a little drunk
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now

Whoa, whoa
Guess I'd rather hurt
Than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call
But I'm a little drunk
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Dad.

Dad,

You gave me life. You watched me grow. You kissed my scrapes and healed my bruises... How do I say this so it won't hurt you? But I know it'll hurt you anyway...Or that you even care...

I gave birth to a little baby girl... Her name is Darlene Jasamyne Batista-Calaway... But something in that name has to go... Ever since I asked Mark to adopt me... I found myself being happier... I know that you'll always be my biological father...

I'm trying not to break your heart... I asked mom to tell you... But... I figured I should tell you for myself. Mark's my dad now... So it's only right that he's the grandfather of my child. I'm sorry, dad... But it's my choice. I don't hate you... But I don't like you either... I'm sorry...

Shianna.

I caught fire (In your eyes) by: The Used

(*My Mate*)

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting

In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
and I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

I'm not ok (I promise) by: MCR.

(*This relates to my mood right now*)

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

Snuff by: Slipknot.

(*This is my song for Shannon... I hope he enjoys*)


Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go.
And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care.
I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my fate -
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart...
when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear.
I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love.
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend.
Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a saint...
My own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away - you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control...
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

Night Convo's # 2

So... I had another night time convo with 'Show again.

Show: Tired?
Me: Yeah... A bit
Show: Depressed?
Me: Yeah.
Show: Wanna talk bout it?
Me: Nope.
Show: Why?
Me: Why not?
Show: It'll make you feel better...
Me, laughing softly: No... No it won't.
Show: You won't know unless you try.
Me: Fine. I'll be happy for a few days and then WHAM! Everything goes to fucking shit. Maybe I should just stay depressed, then maybe I'll be fucking happy go lucky! Or no! Maybe I can acually talk with Shannon without him running off!
Show: Sam...
Me: No! You wanted me t'talk about it. So I am! I wanna be friends with David again... But I can't. I get angry at him for no fucking apparent reason and it pisses me the fuck off! Everything's my fucking fault and I can't do Jack SHIT to stop it! No! I'm in a fucking violent and bitchy mood! Thanks, Show!

So yeah... I'm STILL in a violent and bitchy mood...