Monday, January 31, 2011

My Paper


Gay Rights/Same Sex Marriage

            People as a whole deserve to be treated the same despite who or what they are. Despite that they are black, white, gay, straight or bisexual. Everybody deserves a chance, not because it’s America, but because it’s the right way to live. “Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals” (Martin Luther King Jr.). For many years, homosexuals have been fighting to have the same rights as heterosexuals. They are afraid that they’ll get killed, bashed, humiliated and targeted. Homosexuals shouldn’t suffer because of something the heterosexuals don’t fully understand.
            If homosexuals give in and stop fighting for basic human rights to which they are fully entitled out of the fear, then they’ll stop fighting for what they strongly believe in, then they’re letting the heterosexual’s win. “You have nothing to fear but fear itself.” (Churchill, Winston). Conservatives consider homosexuality to be negative, a “snarl word”, immoral, abnormal and unnatural. Up until 1975, people thought being homosexual was a mental illness. Right wing religious Conservatives believe that if homosexuals continue down this path, they’ll be condemned by God and the Bible. They compare homosexual behavior to Bestiality, Necrophilia and Pedophilia. Homophobes are comparing homosexual behavior to behavior to bestiality, necrophilia and pedophilia because they’re the ones who are afraid of what they don’t understand and homophobes and conservatives continue to blame, not because it is right or accurate, but because homosexuals seem to be an easy and obvious target.
            The primary reason homosexual’s continue to suffer discrimination in today’s society is because of man’s ignorance. “To discriminate against people on the basis of their sexual orientation makes no sense with respect to marriage and their desire to live with one another in a peaceful, stable relationship. It’s good for our society to stop discriminating on that basis” (Ted Olson, Represented George W. Bush and put him into office and is going to argue against Proposition eight). But even throughout the whole process of the discrimination, there are still some people that still support basic rights for all homosexuals. The religious liberals, progressives and the seculars continue to support homosexual rights.
            There are positive sides to this. Homosexual couples can adopt a child and give the child a living and stable home. They would love the child just as a heterosexual couple would and like a traditional two parent family. They’d save them from the shelters and keep them off the streets. Slowly, Gay rights are being introduced. On passports, instead of ‘mother’ and ‘father’ it’s just ‘parent’ and ‘parent’.  In a recent bill signing, the long term use that was in the military, the ‘Don’t ask, Don’t tell’ policy is to be taken away. It’s now allowing homosexuals to freely go into the United States Military.
            Homosexuals should be allowed to marry freely because it won’t hurt anybody. States like Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, Washington D.C and Canada all allow or recognize Same Sex Marriage. But once you leave the state, the marriage isn’t even recognized. It’s like nothing ever happened. Employers say that they can’t fire somebody because of race, color, ethnic, religion or sexual orientation, but yet they do anyway.
           
There are still many people who do not support homosexual rights and will go as far as to kill them. These hate crimes against homosexuals are terrible. Depending on the time and the country, many homosexuals have been whipped, hung, imprisoned, banned, burned at the stake and ignored to the point where they are virtually exempted. They have gotten teased and bullied and even threatened at school and it starts at a young age. It as an effect on kids and they grow up in hesitance. People think that if they rape homosexuals straight, then they won’t have to worry about it.
Any state that bans same sex marriage is in direct violation of the Constitution. Same sex marriage should be recognized as the same as heterosexual marriage. Civic relationships are (should be) recognized by the state. It shouldn’t be denied to individuals on the basis of their sexual orientation. Homosexuals and bisexuals are just as human as heterosexuals, and deserve the same rights. Love is love, regardless of the gender of the people involved.



           

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Yo.

(* A cheesy song from a good movie... *)


You were the one, the one in my dreams, but I never knew it
I wanted to tell you, time and again, but I couldn't do it
All that you, are is all that I need, no more predending
Now I can be me, you can be you, and we never ending

Chorus:
We'll be together, always together, like birds of a feather
Forever and ever, we'll be together

Verse 2:
I like what you got, I guess it's okay if you want to show it
I am what I am, and I'm over you, just want you to know it
Will I ever score?
There's is nothing wrong with just liking each other
We all had our doubts, but it"s working out with one and other

Chorus 2x

Like birds of a feather, forever and ever

We'll be together, always together
We'll be together, always together

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Randy.

R is for Respectable
A is for Admiration
N is for Nifty
D is for Day-umn
Y is for Yummy.

Vipes. Viper. Legend Killer.

Everybody calls you those... They don't know the outside you... The one that I get to see...

Loving. Caring. Brave.

Sure, you can be an asshole sometimes...But it won't stop me from loving you.

I'm sorry. For anything I might have done. Not spending enough time with you...


Love,
Mello Yello.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hey, Jeff

You're the sock to my shoe and I like it
You're the smile to my face and I like it
You're a crazy motherfucker and I like it
You're the peanut to my butter and I like it
You're the hat to my head and I like it
You're the sticky to my note and I like it
You're the car to my toons and I like it
You're a weird fucker and I like it
You're the different to the normal and I like it
You're the best to my friend and I like it

You're the A in Always
You're the F in Forever
You're the L in Love

You're the M in Mine and I fucking LOVE it.

You're a crazy motherfucker and you're my little fucker and I wouldn't change a god damn fucking thing!

Love,
Samilicious.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hey, Mark.

You're a crazy motherfucker and I like it
You're an inglorious bastard and I like it
You're the peaches to my cream and I like it
You're the peanut to my butter and I like it
You're the mello to my yello and I like it
You're the rum to my coke and I like it

But most of all:

You're the M to the ine and I FUCKING love it.

Love,
Lil Darlin.

My Sweet Venom

Your sweet venom runs throughout my veins
Poisoning me
Killing me
As fast as lighting,
You manage to find ways to kill me slowly
It's torture
You motherfucker...
Even when you're not here
You always manage to find a way...
To be with me always...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Mark

My Sweet Vengeance,
1/23/11
8:17am

                What can I say that you haven’t heard already? I sit here trying to think of something…Anything. My mind draws blank. You’ve heard it all before. I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to get upset. I feel useless like this. I feel unable to help. I hate feeling like this. I tried force, but it only hurt me in the end.
                I keep trying. Over and over again, I try. Nothing’s working. I’m not going to give up. I miss you. I miss the way you’d hold me at night. I miss the way you’d stroke my hair. I miss the way you’d try and comfort me after a bad nightmare, even though I push you away.
                You’re too good for me. I guess in some way, you saved me from myself. You’re a stubborn man, always trying to push your way into my life. Trying to break my barriers I have set. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You make me angry and frustrated. You make me smile.
                The bed is cold on your side. It doesn’t feel right without you there. I love both Randy and Hunter very, very much. I wish Randy could see that. I know he does. Hunter had to knock him out again, said he hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Hunt’s my saving grace, I swear. I’ll always love you, no matter what happens.

Love,
Lil Darlin’  

The Notebook quote...

‎"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out. "~The Notebook
 
 
(*I really don't know what I like this quote...but I do...*)

Mark's letter.

My Darling Wolf,

I guess I don't know what to say. Everything was going ok, wasn't it? Did we do anything wrong? My bond to you is completely dead. My heart...beats with some pain. My thoughts, are blank. I don't know what I'm feeling, if I'm feeling anything' at all.

I don't know where to start, y'know? I loved you since day one. Even when I didn't know you. Weird, isn't it? I trust you, Mark. You'll always be mine.

Love,

Lil Darlin.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

You Used To Be...

You used to me mine...
Ohhh...Oh...Oh...
How you used t'be mine...

All the smiles we'd share..
All the laughter we shared...
The memories that will last a life time..

I don't know what I'd do..
If I saw you holdin' somebody else.
Ohh...Noo-oo..

You used to be mine...
You'd hold me in the night
Comfort me when I needed it...

Oh how you used to be mine...
We can never know..
Not anymore...

Please, baby, please...
Be mine again...
I'll only ask you once
Before letting you go...

I remember a time...
Where you used to be mine
Ohhh...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

MINE!!!!

You can look
But you can never touch
He used to be yours
But Bitch,
Now he's mine
So hands off my man
Or I'll beat your ass
Both man and wolf
Both are mine
I'm taking charge
Putting my foot down
THE BOY IS MINE!
I FUCKING LOVE HIM!
Maybe you're jealous of me
That I'm in his arms
But FUCK YOU!
He's my possession
Forever and always
And Bitch
I've come to take MY man
He's MINE!
Never forget
He's always been mine
Since the start.

Mark

My heart beats a wonderful tune
And it's just for you
The tiems we spend together
Are the times I enjoy being with you
No matter the hardships
Or even the rough patches
We will always survive
Because our love is strong
I believe in you always
Always knowing that you have my back
Forever watching
Forever loving
I will always be there for you
Forever and Beyond
Our love knows no end
Our happiness has no limit
I smile for you
Only because I love you

Jeff

Jeff,

                We have a lot in common. You understand me better than anybody else. You’re my best friend, even if I don’t show it. I enjoy the time we share together because face it—When we’re together, we’ve come up with some fucked up ideas. Hell, we’ve even gotten high together… and drunk.
                I like the fact that we can get naked around each other and not care. How relaxed we are around one another. I t doesn’t matter how weird one of us is because we love each other just the same, and face it—we’re both pretty fucked up people. What we consider normal, other people consider weird. I love you like the brother I have…(or something, ha ha). I love you as a person, Jeff… Not who or what you are. I don’t care about your money or the fact you’re bi. I love you for you. I’m not gonna laugh and ridicule you for having feelings or just for having a thought. You can trust me enough you come to me and talk about anything. I’ll always be here for you. You have my unconditional love, Jeffy. Always.
Love,
Rainbow

Monday, January 17, 2011

Mark's response

1/17/2011
2:20 am

My dear Sam,
I know you don't want to drag me into your problems, but I'll do anything in my power to help you. I know you don't mean to hurt me when you push me out. I don't hurt so much as worry.

Words don't express fully how much I love you. I find myself loving you more each day, and not questioning why. I never figured fully what I was in for when our eyes met the first time you can, but I'm happy to be in it. I'll never regret letting you into my heart and soul.

I never doubt that you can handle Matt. I know you can kick his ass anytime you want to.

Love
Mark

Sam's Response Letter


My dearest Mark,

                The letter you wrote struck my heart in a beautiful way. I can’t believe how stupid I was when I pushed you out. I know that you’re only trying to help me. I know that everything I push you out, you’re hurting. I guess if I push you away, I figured I wouldn’t hurt you. I don’t want to drag you into my petty problems, even if you do ask.
                Words can’t express how much I love you…How much you mean to me. You really are my everything… Even if I don’t show it, you are. I’ll admit, at first, I didn’t know what I was getting into the first time our eyes met on that fateful day. But for some reason, I knew I had to make you mine.
                I didn’t expect you to mean so much to me. I didn’t expect to fall madly in love with you. Am I regretting that I did? Hell No! I know I may seem stubborn and that I may want a lot, but I don’t. I’m content with what I have. I’m content with who I have.
                Don’t worry about Matt. I can handle him. You make me so fucking happy I could burst out into song. I’ll fight for you until the beyond of time. You’ll forever be mine. I fucking love you, my sweet release. You’ll never escape my clutches.  You fill me with happiness and smiles, with rainbows and puppies.

Love Always,
Lil Darlin’

Mark's letter

1/16/2011
6:30 am

My darling Sam,
How can mere words express how important you are to me? You are my whole world, my life, my everything. Without you, my world would be dark and dreary, because my sunshine would be up in heaven. I don't see how I'd live lone after you leave.

When you first came to the pack, I'll admit I wasn't too sure why Kat had brought you home. I felt like our family was whole enough. But I admit you grew on me when I saw how you interacted with the rest, how easily you fit in, how you helped out and brought Rey out of his funk. You brought peace to the pack. Well, except for Matt, but he's the lone rotten egg in our pack.

I hate when you block me out when you're deep in the depression, and feeling like taking yourself out of our lives is the only thing you can do... I hate that I can't comfort you, reassure you that you're important to us all. I know I wouldn't be able to let you go if you died, especially if you left thinking it was the only way to protect us from yourself.

Guess what I'm trying to say is to trust me to help you through when you feel the suicidal thoughts welling up... Let me help you squash them. Let me love you for you.

Love forever and always,
Mark

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mark

Why
By: Sa5mwise


                I watched as they all gathered around. I watched as Mark struggled to keep the tears at bay, hands at his side, head down. I watched Shawn preached on as he struggled to keep the tears at bay, but a few slipped out. I watched my pack—no… My best friends cry and hold one another… I guess I don’t really have much to say about it. What does one say? I made my choice and I know I hurt the people around me…
                I was happy… He made me happy… The one who held my heart from day one… The one who so effortlessly made me his… I know I may sound greedy and needy… But truth be told, I was just…content… I was content at life, yet you’re asking yourself why I killed myself… The answer… I was depressed… I constantly pushed them all away in hopes to feel better… Did it? A little bit… I was just too fucking depressed to do anything about it… I let the darkness win and now I’m dead…
                I guess in the end… I just hurt everybody that I ever loved… My friends… My family…
I watched as they lowered my coffin into the ground… I watched as everybody left but Mark… I watched him sink to his knees and wrap his arms around my headstone, sobbing… I watched him begging and pleading for me to come back… That he loved me… so very much…
                I wish I could wrap my arms around him… I wish I could tell him that everything will be ok… I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for all the hurt that I caused him in the end and throughout. I wish I could tell him how much of an asshole I feel…
I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I wish I could tell him my love for him is unconditional. I wish I could tell him that I’ll see him again… I wish I could feel his arms around me… I wish I could feel his addictive kisses. I wish I could hear his soothing voice over and over again… I wish I could hear his heart next to my ear at night… I wish I could hear him laughing…
                I wish I could tell him I’m sorry I killed myself…
I wish…
                That I was still…
Alive.

Friday, January 14, 2011

My Story (In-complete)

My Story
By: Lulu

                My name is Aleu Jasmine Cena. Yes, my father is none other than John Cena and my mother is singer Sam Calaway. I’m 15 years old and I have medium blonde hair, blue eyes and I sometimes wear glasses. I’m the second oldest in my batch of siblings. My older brother is Gabe, he’s 16. My little brother is Junior and my little sisters are named Lilli, Shi, Ana, and the newest addition, Aali. My best friend is Mia Michaels, the daughter of Shawn and Kura Michaels; unlike most siblings, I enjoy being with mine and I’m actually friends with my older brother. We can talk about anything and everything. He treats me like one of the guys, even though I’m a girl. People call me Lulu. I share a room with Mia. Even though she likes the color pink, I absolutely hate the color. So we split the room in half. Her half is a dark pink, mine’s a dark blue.
                My mom says I have my dad’s dimples when I smile. Hell, she says that I have his smile. Mine and Mia’s room has two built in wall shelves, a built in closet (We have a curtain to cover it up), desks, two small bookshelves, our own bathroom and we have a small wide screen TV. I’m a bit of a music junkie, while my brother is a huge video game junkie; I guess you could say the same about me too. We have our own game counsel set up with tons of games. Mia and I are huge anime fans, so we have tons of manga on our bookshelves, we have DVD’s and action figures, (along with wrestling ones). Since Mia is half Japanese, Kura’s taken her to Tokyo over the summers and now she’s very fluent in reading, writing and speaking Japanese, so she has some manga in Japanese. We have all sorts of Japanese sweets and sodas in our room also. Pocky, Ramen, Ramune, etc;
                Mia and I are into the gothic Lolita style. (My mom’s band is called Lolita also). But I’m more of a tom boy, but I love wearing those types of clothing whenever I can. I’m not any girly girl. I wear boy clothes and have my hair up almost all the time. Mia’s really into cooking, so she has different types of cook books on her bookshelf. Aunt Kura’s a chef at a very fancy restaurant. Me? I’m more… whateverish, you know? I like photography… I sing a little bit too. I’m in show choir at my high school. I play guitar and some piano. Mia plays piano too. While I have blonde hair, Mia has a very unique hair color. She has blonde with a black undertone. She has dark eyes and her skin tone’s slightly caramel. She’s very pretty.
                My parents are both weres. My mom can shift into any animal she wants, while my dad’s a dog were. Me? I’m a chocolate lab were. Mia’s a half breed. I don’t know if she can shift, but if she can, we made a bet that she’s a snow leopard, just like Aunt Kura. (Her full name is Sakura, but we call her Kura for short).  Anyway, our whole family is full of weres. Except for Uncle Shawn, he’s full human, which is why Mia’s a half breed. I smile and turn on my favorite song, “Safety Dance” by Men without Hats. The opening song plays into my headphones as I glance at Mia’s sleeping form. We’re supposed to be writing this paper for class, so… I guess I should tell you my story, huh?
                Mia and I are sophomores at Williams McKinley High School while Gabe is a junior. I glanced over as Mia’s alarm rang out. She growled and smacked it as she stretched and looked at me. “Lu… Did you even go to sleep?” I took out an ear bud and nodded. “Yeah, Mi. I got up at 3 and haven’t been able to sleep, I’m writing this paper for English.” She nodded and got up. The clock read 6:30am in bright red as I got up and stretched. Mia walked over and opened the shades as she quickly showered and got dressed. I was already dressed in my jeans, Dallas Cowboys football jersey and my hair was up in a pony, I had my earrings in, my rings, necklace and choker. I also had my spike bracelets. I put my notebook away in my messenger bag and shut down my laptop. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed downstairs. Gabe’s door opened as she slumped through, yawning. “Were you up all night playing video games?” He nodded as I shook my head. “Bro, mom’s gonna get on your ass.” He flipped me off as Mia joined us. All three of us headed downstairs to see our parents already down there, sitting in the kitchen and talking. “Good Morning!” my dad said happiness in his voice. “Dad…It’s…” I glanced at my phone. “7am… How’re you so chipper?” He chuckled and slung an arm around my shoulders. “Well, Lulu! It’s the start of a brand new day!” I shrugged out of his embrace and rolled my eyes. “Yeah… But you don’t have to go to school!” My mom laughed softly. “We did our time… It’s your turn.” Gabe looked at her and pouted. “Don’t you love us?” He asked. Our mom shook her head and nodded. “Plenty…” and went back to her coffee. “Are you headed off on tour again?” I asked as she nodded. “Yeah, later today” was her reply. Gabe has his driver’s license, so he drives us to school, but seeing as our mom wouldn’t buy him a car, he had to go out and buy one. He has a job at the local music store downtown.
                School started at 8:05am and it was now 7:15am. It took us awhile to get to school, so we left early. I took a bite out of my toast as we all grabbed our bags as I shoved on my sneakers. We hugged them all goodbye and wished mom good luck on her tour. We all got into Gabe’s dodge charger and headed down the road. I flipped on the CD player as “In too Deep” by Sum 41 blared. I turned it down some and started singing while conversing with them. I looked at Gabe. He’s the star quarterback of our football team and he has dark brown hair and blue eyes. He cut his hair so it’s a Mohawk with a buzz cut on the sides. He’s one of the popular kids at school, but has no problem beating the crap out of the kids who pick on us (Unless they’re girls…He’ll beat up their boyfriends…)
                Gabe parked the car in his parking spot as we got out. It was a really sunny day as we nodded and parted our ways. He headed towards his football buddies, Mia and I headed towards our friends. I looked at my phone and the time read 7:35am. I shoved it into my pocket as I sat on the table, Mia settling next to me. “Hey! You’re here early. You guys don’t show up until at least 7:45.” Our friend, Becky said. We glanced at each other then shrugged. “Yeah well… Gabe had football practice this morning and we didn’t wanna be left behind” I said, as I was texting Dark, a good childhood friend of mine. The bell rang as everybody rushed inside, I sighed and shouldered my bag and walked Mia to her first period—AP Human Anatomy. We hugged as she headed inside. I headed down the hall and into my class—AP History. I found my desk and sat, pulling out my text book, notebook and pen. The rest of the class filtered in as the teacher started the class. Halfway through, the teacher turned his back to write our homework on the whiteboard as I pulled out my phone and texted Mia back. The bell rang as I wrote down the homework and shoved everything into my bag and left.
                I headed down to my locker and found Mia grabbing her books; I unlocked my locker and grabbed the books I needed. I shut mine and watched her. “How was class?” I asked. She sighed and looked at me. “It was y’know… Class. We’re dissecting a pig’s fetes tomorrow…” I chuckled as we headed down the hall. We had second period together which was AP English. We hung with our friends until the bell rang as we slipped into the classroom and took our spots in the back of the room. I growled to myself as Mrs. Barbie herself came in. She was head cheerleader at WMHS as she slid in front of me as she turned. “Why don’t you just get a sex change?” she asked. I snarled and leaned back in my chair. “Why don’t you stop being the school slut and close your legs?” I smirked as she huffed and turned around. Mia reached over and smacked me; I gave her an innocent look as the teacher started class. I liked my English teacher. He was alright. Class droned on forever, it seemed like. I rested my chin on my palm and looked out the window. I wrote down our homework and turned in the in class assignment.  The bell rang as Mia and I loaded up our stuff and headed off towards the cafeteria.
                “What was with you in English?” She asked as we both picked up our trays. I shrugged and grabbed a cheeseburger and fries as she grabbed a salad. “It’s Tuesday, Mimi. Just tired…That’s all.” She nodded as we paid for our stuff and headed to the courtyard. We joined our friends at our table as Gabe came over and sat next to me, munching on my lunch. “Oi. Get yer own damn lunch!” I growled. He raised an eyebrow and slung an arm over my shoulder. “Nah. How was your classes?” he asked, I sighed softly. “Fine… Just like I say every day.” I leaned into him and ate my lunch before shoving the rest over to him. He scarfed down on it as I stole some of Mia’s salad. Gabe kissed my cheek, took my tray, got up, and left. “Hey beautiful!” the voice of my friend, Dark rang out. I smiled slightly and turned to face him. “Hey.” He plopped next to me and pouted. “No lunch?” I grinned. “Gabe ate it. Gotta be quicker.” He chuckled. Dark and I have been friends since kindergarten. He’s gay. I don’t mind, he has a great fashion sense. The lunch bell rang, signaling that lunch was over. I looked at the clock as it said 12:30pm. Oh boy… I have two more periods left and then I have Soccer practice.
                I walked Mia to her Calculus class. “Why didn’t you join AP Calc with me?” I asked once we got to her class. She laughed softly. “I wanted an easy class… That’s why!” She was still laughing when she headed into class. I shook my head and headed to my AP Calc class. This class…is most definitely a challenge. My grade average is A’s and B’s. I have a B+ in this class, which is good. I took my seat and took out my books. The teacher put some problems on the board as we all did them; we took notes and went over the homework from last night. Which was a lot; when he put the homework on the board, we all groaned. One kid raised his hand and started whining. The teacher added three more problems as everybody started yelling at the kid to shut the hell up. I wrote it all down as the bell rang. Mia met up with me as we headed to our class. “Ugh! I hate Calculus!” she whined. I laughed at her. “What?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I told her how much AP Calc homework I have as she groaned at me. “That sucks, man…” I agreed as we parted ways.
                I grabbed my camera as I continued on with my work from yesterday. “Whataya wanna take pictures of today?” My friend, Shelby asked me as we headed outside. I shrugged. “Something… Unusual…” I replied back, tilting my head. I looked at her and raised my eyebrow. “What…the hell are you wearing?!” I exclaimed. She had on tight pants and a purple blouse, her hair was all jazzed up. She laughed. “You’re supposed to dress up like the 80’s today, silly!” she exclaimed. I nodded and went back to work. “I forgot…” I lied. Truth was I hated these dress up days, unless it was something worth my while. Mia loved them, but she really forgot.  I sighed and pointed my camera at a wilted flower and took a couple of shots. I looked at Shelby and took a picture of her. I laughed at her expression as she took a picture of me. “What did you take a picture of?” I asked. I flipped through my pictures, most of them are nature shots, and a couple of Shelby and one of them is Gabe in his football uniform. I smiled softly at the picture before Shelby nudged me as I looked at her. “Time to go in, print off our pictures…”  I nodded as we headed inside.
                We passed Mia’s class as I made a face. She flipped me off behind the teachers back as we headed back and sat down at our computers, logged on and downloaded our pictures. I pulled up Gabe’s picture and started working on it. I got so caught up in my work, I didn’t hear the bell. My teacher tapped my shoulder. “Aleu? The bell rang…” My teacher, Mr. Power’s said. I cursed softly and printed off my work, put my name on it and turned in my camera. “You’ll need your camera for your homework tonight.” Mr. Powers said; I nodded. “This is good, Aleu. Who is this?” I chuckled softly. “My big brother, Gabe; he’s in his football gear. I took this picture at the game, when he caught the winning goal… I call it… ‘A catch by a Hero’…” He smiled and put it in the “in” box. He told me the homework as I left. I found Mia and Shelby waiting for me. “Hey” I said. “You looked really concentrated, Lu.” Shelby said. We all started for the girl’s locker room. “My teacher, Mrs. Painter said she wanted me to paint some of my graphic-art on the wall—to get the room more artsy.” Mia happily said. “Congrats!” Shelby and I said together. Shelby’s in volleyball, Mia’s in Basketball and I’m in soccer. We all changed into our uniforms and headed out to our respective sports.
                I limped back into the locker room a few hours later, spotting Mia and Shelby. Both were still in their uniforms, lying on the benches. I pulled off my uniform and back into my clothes. I had a tank top on under my jersey, so I just shoved it in my already heavy backpack. I nudged Mia and Shelby as they groaned, but got up nonetheless and got dressed. We left and parted ways. We walked out of the building and found Randy’s hummer parked outside. We limped to it and opened the door. I shoved Mia in as she groaned in pain. I climbed in and shut the door. We put our seat belts on as Randy pulled away. “How was school?” Shawn asked. Mia made a noise as I grunted. “Practice was a hassle, huh?” Randy asked, chuckling. We both nodded. “I wanted to die.” I muttered and shrugged lower in my seat, Mia’s head thunking on my shoulder. “I was praying to GOD that the torture would stop!” Mia exclaimed as we all chuckled. “My coach is a bitch!” I exclaimed, meeping softly at Shawn’s glare. Mia agreed, but she only looked at Shawn. “It’s true, dad! Not even God could save that witches soul!” I and Randy laughed at that as he pulled into the drive. Mia and I tumbled out and practically dragging our heavy backpacks on the ground. We trudged upstairs and into the living room. I stopped and looked at Mark. “Hear anythin’ from mom?” I asked, curiously. He shook his head as I shook Junior’s hair, smiling when he tried batting my hand away. I continued my way upstairs, pausing at Gabe’s door. I faintly heard music playing from his stereo as I made my way to my room. I opened the door and found Mia sitting at her desk, working on her homework.  She was showered and changed.
                I set my bag on my desk chair and my duffel on my bed. “Save me any hot water?” I asked, making my way towards the bathroom. All she did was nod and say “Mhm.” After my shower, I felt a lot better. I was all changed and I put on “Dancing with Myself” by Billy Idol. That didn’t even faze Mia. I sat and pulled out my AP Calculus homework, my calculator and set to do my homework. I leaned back and rubbed my hand glancing at Mia. She was still working on her homework. I looked at the clock and it read 6:45pm. I sighed and went back to work.
                I looked up at Mia when she shook my shoulder a little while later. “Dinner; you hungry?” I shook my head. “Me either. Think they’d come up here and make us come down?” She asked as I shrugged. “Probably; I just wanna get my homework done…. My math teacher got happy with the homework and I’m only halfway done!” I exclaimed. I was clearly unhappy and just plain annoyed. Mia nodded, agreeing. “I know! My Human Anatomy teacher got way too carried away! He gave us two packets, a study guide and a dissection prep packet.” She sighed as I shook my head. “Damn…My history teacher is having us read two chapters, and write notes, he gave us a study guide and a packet for the test on Friday…” She whistled low as I nodded. “Yeah. Just… Go back to work…” She nodded and sat back at her desk as we both went back to work.
                A few hours later, I looked up and the sky was pitch black. I looked at Mia and saw her still slaving away over her text books. I turned back to mine, looking at my history. I had finished with my AP Calc, some confused me, but I’ll just go back in with questions tomorrow. I was on the last page of my study guide. I wrote the notes on what I read, and I finished the packet. I sighed softly and finished the last page. While I put that away, I looked at my camera and decided that English could wait. I snagged my camera and headed downstairs.
                “She makes an appearance!” My dad exclaimed, making the others chuckle. I ignored him and headed into the kitchen. I found aunt Kura putting the finishing touches on a very, yummy cake. It was a triple decked with purple frosting (Probably whipped grape), with red roses on the sides. I help up my camera. “It’s for photography…” she nodded as she moved out of the way. I started snapping pictures. Close ups, far away shots and bird’s eye view. I thanked her and grabbed some food for Mia and Me.
               
I still have English homework to do, and then I’m done. Then I’ll have laundry and chores. I stopped and looked at my dad, who was arm wrestling with Mark. “Hey pops?” they both paused as he looked over. “I was wondering if I could do my chores tomorrow… I don’t have any soccer practice after school…” He hummed. “Well, you’re the one who signed up for all those AP classes, Lulu…” He started as I sighed softly. “But, I suppose… Seeing as Gabe did them for you.” I blinked a few times. “He…what?!” He laughed. “Yeah…He saw how swamped you were, so he did them. Said you can do his tomorrow…” I smiled and nodded, snapping a quick picture of him and Mark arm wrestling.
                I made it back up to my room to see Mia folding our laundry. I snapped a picture and set it on my desk. I walked over and helped her. “You get the English homework done?” She asked me as I shook my head. “Nah, man…It’s super easy. Read a few chapters and answer the questions into the study guide…” She nodded, putting her laundry away as I put mine away. “When do you work tomorrow?” She asked me as I shrugged. “Five til closing… All this week. Then Saturday, 8am to 12pm…” I worked at Barnes and Noble, while Mia worked in the floral shop. “Why?” I asked curiosity in my voice. She shrugged. “Wanted to know if you wanted to go to the mall.” I pondered on the idea. “I just need to get my English done, and then we’ll go, OK?” I said, already pulling out my notebook. She nodded and pulled out the book we’re suppose to finish reading for class. I turned my attention to my homework as the time flew by. I closed my notebook with a sigh of relief. I put it away and turned to Mia. “Ok! Let’s go!” She put her book away as we headed downstairs. “Roads are closed, it’s snowing pretty bad outside.” Shawn stated as we both groaned.
*The next morning…*
                I don’t remember much about last night. We headed downstairs and I just…fainted. School was still on, sadly. Dad called mom and we talked. “I just…fainted!” I exclaimed, clearly unhappy that I did so. She hummed. “Are you stressed?” She asked, I could hear Tony and AJ playing in the background. She must be practicing. A smile graced my lips. “No… I’m fine, mom. Honest. How’s practice?” I ask her, changing the subject as she sighed and then chuckled. “It’s going. We’re having a show in Dallas sometime. It’ll be televised.” I jumped for joy. I love seeing my mom perform. “She has so much energy.” Like Mark would say. I wanna be a musician like her, but I’m not that good. “Awesome! I’ll watch!” She laughed. “Michael’s glaring…I’d better go. Love you… Behave!” I said I will as we hung up. I loved talking with my mom. Weird, but I don’t care.
                That was last night. Right now, I’m sitting in AP English. We had already turned in our work and now we’re taking notes while he lectures on about something or other. We took our test and turned in our novel that we got a couple of weeks ago. Today, we’re getting our new one. He stopped lecturing and looked at all of us. I glanced at Mia, who glanced back at me. I looked back at the front as the teacher told us our homework, told us the title of our new book and told us to go get it. I gathered my books as Mia and I headed towards the library. Mia and I headed towards the library as I stopped and let Mia catch up. “How was Human Anatomy?” I asked a grin on my face as she glared. “Awful!”  She exclaimed. “My partner was a bitch!” She said, waving her hands around as she talked. “She was all like ‘Ewww! I am, like, not cutting that! I might chip a nail!’ “ We shared a laugh. I know who she was mocking.
                Her names Rachelle and she thinks she’s the Queen Bee of her little clique. I beat her up in the fifth grade because she was making fun of Mia. Safe to say, my dad wasn’t happy, hell, my mom found it hilarious, but she grounded me. Anyway, she never messed with Mia again. Speaking of, here she comes. She glared at Mia as I growled softly. “Listen up, Michaels!” she started, her clique gathering around her. She pushed Mia as I shoved her to the floor, snarling. “Remember what I said in the fifth grade, bitch?” She nodded, fear in her eyes. “Then never touch Mia again!” She yelped as her and her clique ran off. Mia hugged me tightly. I hugged back and picked up her books. “One of these days… I’ll get her!” she stated, cracking her knuckles. “C’mon. Let’s get our books and head to lunch! I’m starving! I exclaimed, grabbing her arm as we hauled ass towards the library. We laughed the entire way there, but quieted down as we entered. Dark spotted us as we waved. He has AP English first period as he held up the book as we both groaned softly and grabbed a copy. The book was called In Cold Blood by: Truman Capote. We checked it out as the bell rang. Dark leaped up and slung his arms around our shoulders as we made our way o the lunch room. The courtyard was closed because of all the snow. Don’t get me wrong, we have a good sized lunch room, but I liked sitting outside. We grabbed our trays as I grabbed a chicken patty and fries; Mia grabbed a pizza as Dark grabbed both. We chuckled and paid for it, we walked over and sat at our table that was near the window. Gabe walked up and sat next to me. He had his own lunch today. He settled his arm around me as I leaned into him, munching on some fries. “How were your classes?” I asked, glancing at him. Gabe has AP physics and a college English class, where he actually goes to the community college. He shrugged and took a bite out of his pizza. “Eh…Y’know… Classes; that picture you took of me is hanging up.” I blushed slightly. “Yeah?” I asked, I made it for him, but I’ll never admit it. “I like it… Thanks, brat.” He kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair. Seeing as it was in a braid, I didn’t care.
                The lunch bell rang; I threw my stuff away as Gabe walked me to my next class. “We’re having practice after school if you wanna wait and watch, I’ll give you and Mia a ride….” I nodded, right as he was leaving I grabbed his arm and squeezed. “Thanks for doing my chores last night.” He flushed and nodded, then headed off to his class with his friends. I walked into my class and walked up to the teacher. He was a nice person, but for some reason, he got under my skin. He looked up at me and smiled. “Did you have any problems?” He asked me as I nodded. “Yes, sir” He nodded as I took out my notebook, pen and math book. He helped me with one and then told me to sit. He then went on to start class.
                After one of the students got sent to the nurse’s office, he gave us a packet and told us to do what he can and that’s it. We had twenty minutes to work on it, so we did. About five minutes left into the class, the teacher assigned us our homework (on top of the thick packet). The bell rang as I practically ran out of the classroom. I ran into Gabe—literally. “Whoa!” He said as he steadied me. He held my arms loosely, concern written in his eyes. “What’s your hurry, brat?” He asked. Brat was his nick name for me; I have one for him too. I shrugged. “Just need to get to photography.” I replied as he nodded. He let me go and I ran up the stairs, shoving people out of my way and slid into my chair. Shelby looked at me, eyebrow raised. “I couldn’t wait to see you!” I said, panting. She grinned and hugged me. I logged on as I slid in the chip. Downloading the pictures could always take forever, so I turned to Shelby. She, too, was downloading her pictures. Her brother was friends with mine, only he played on the basketball team. My pictures were done so I took the chip out, deleted the photos and put in my flash drive. I smiled at the design. It was me and my dad after he won the WWE title. I chuckled to myself. That was an awesome match. That was when my parents were still together. They’re very close friends; I swear that with how close they are that they’re still together.
                The bell rang as I glanced up at the teacher who pulled up my picture. I inwardly groaned. “This picture is called ‘A Catch by a Hero’ …Did anybody go to the game?” he asked as hands shot up. “Good. Do you know who this is?” He said as he motioned towards the picture. A boy raised his hand. His name is Brady—A fellow football player and Gabe’s friend. “That’s Gabe Orton, Aleu’s older brother. He caught the ball that won us the huge game.” He stated as everybody looked at me. I glared as he smirked. I get asked a lot what it’s like living with him and about Randy. When they see my last name, they always ask me questions about my dad. They all know my mom; they’ve seen her when she picked me up if I got in trouble, sick or for something. I’ve seen kids wearing her band shirts, hell, I have mine on today. Anyway, he went on explaining what we’re doing. “If you don’t finish, take it home and finish. Take the camera with you again and this time, take goofy pictures. We’re going to be starting a project tomorrow.” Mr. Power’s stated. Shelby raised her hand as he motioned her to lower it. “The project is to do something weird and wacky. Take a picture and make it abstract…” He started as Shelby and I shared a chuckle. “Then you’re going to pick the weirdest, funniest one you have and write a three page paper on it—double spaced and twelve point font… Then I want you to make a power point of all the pictures you took—No. Don’t do that. Rather, of the ones you think are funny, weird, wacky, whatever. Get working!” He said as we all turned back to our computers. Conversations were going on around us. “Quietly!” Mr. Power’s demanded. It was now quiet chatter as I rested my chin on my left palm and crossed my legs. Shelby glanced over at me as I kept my focus on the screen. She was wearing an outfit that came out of a bad 80’s movie. “I know. Becky made me wear it!” I laughed softly. Shelby and Becky are twins. I’ve been friends with them for as long as I can remember. “What are you gonna take pictures of?” I shrugged. “My family’s pretty funny…” I said voice low and monotone. “Might get some of the guys practicing, I’ll be at the name on Friday…” I stated, briefly glancing at her. I saved my pictures and work onto my flash drive. I had just put it in my bag as the final bell rang. Shelby told me she’ll text me fore bolting. I saw Mia through the crowd as I walked out as we turned. I took a picture of her with a funny face. She flipped me off. “We staying for Gabe’s practice?” I shrugged slightly, turning to face her. “Do you want too?” I asked her as she shrugged and pondered. “Eh. Let’s take the bus home.” I nodded as I texted Gabe as we headed down to the busses. We found our bus and got on, sitting in the middle. We set our backpacks (or messenger bag, in Mia’s case) on our laps as she turned to me. “We finished our dissection today. We filled out the information and we got our unit packet and whatnot… Test is on Friday.” She started as I nodded. “Feel good to finish?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “Hell yes!” She exclaimed as we shared a laugh.
                We’re the third ones to be dropped off as we got off at our spot. We watched the bus drive off as we walked down to the drive; the house came into view as we grinned. We saw our dads talking on the porch as we glanced at each other. “Whoever gets there first has to do the others chores?” She bet as I nodded. We counted to three as we started off. I managed to beat her by a step as we leaned on our knees and panted. We looked up at our dads and blinked. “You gotta do my chores!” I told her smugly. She flipped me off and cursed at me using sign language. I just smirked as we both kissed our dads on the cheek and hugged them as we went inside, dropping our bags off and set to do our chores.
                I looked up from folding laundry when Mark walked in and put his and mom’s laundry in the washer. “Hey…” I said, smiling. “Hey…” Mark’s my mom’s husband, making him my step dad. He’s totally cool. He’s also known as the Undertaker, or the American Badass. I chuckled and transferred loads. “Talked with mom last night… Dad called her after I fainted.” I blushed. I hardly faint. “Glenn said that I didn’t drink enough water or something…” Mark chuckled. “Sounds like Glenn. Your mother got yelled at by Glenn because she passed out after a show because she wasn’t keepin’ hydrated. Now she has a water bottle on stage with her now…” I nodded. “Mom told me that…” He nodded as I grabbed the hamper and headed upstairs, dropping off the clothes to the kids that wear them. I went into Gabe’s and found him playing video games. I set the basket down as I grabbed my camera. He was making a funny face while playing his game. I snapped a picture and laughed. He paused his game and glared. “It’s for class…Relax!” He nodded as I dropped off his laundry. I watched him for a few more minutes before heading back to my room.
               

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Pops

Dear Dad,

Hey...It's me Lulubell. (Only you get to call me that...). I just wanted to say...I know I haven't been very good to you in the past, and I wanted to say I'm sorry for that. I was writing and I had this wild idea to write you this letter... I know you've been on the road and touring alot, but I miss you, pops. I watch you on the TV whenever you have a match and I cheer for you to beat the crap outta your opponient. One of my favorite matches is with you winning the WWE Champion Title. How happy you were when you held it up in the air... How you had mom come into the ring and you'd just kissed her...

I'm glad that you're my dad. I'm glad that you'n'mom're close and happy. I'm glad that we have that strong father/daughter bond. I enjoy spending time with you any chance I get. Heck, just being in the same room with you makes me happy... How you'll just randomly rap in a quiet room and I'll join you, even though I suck at rapping... You still say I sound good, but I know you're just saying that. (Thanks, though...).

Just thought I'd tell you all that.
Love you daddy!
Love,
Lulubell.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Aaliyah

My Story
By: LiLi

                My name is Aaliyah Ruby Hardy. Yes, my father is none other than Jeff Hardy. My mother is singer Samantha Calaway. I’m eight years old and I have medium blonde hair, blue greenish eyes and I wear glasses. I’m slightly overweight, and I’m quiet. I have other siblings. My older brothers, Gabe and Junior; my older sisters, Aleu, Lilli, Shi and Ana; most people just call me Aali, for short. Unlike my siblings, I prefer to be left alone and just hang out in my room. You’re probably wondering what I do in there. Well, I read, watch TV and do my homework. I’m a bit of a music junkie and I also play some guitar.
                For awhile, Mom and I lived with my grandpa and Uncle Dean, with the pride. Until she decided it was time for me to meet my dad. Let me tell you, when she told me my dad was Jeff Hardy, I almost didn’t believe her. But when I saw him, I knew it was true. I had his green eyes, well…Kinda. Mom says I get my addiction of skittles from him. It’s not my fault I’m addicted to skittles, have you had just one skittle? My aunt Abby got me hooked on Caf POW! S. Oh, I’m also Telepathic, but my mom says that I can only hear people’s thought that’s it.
                When I moved, I thought I would have to share a room with one of my sisters, but I didn’t. (Even though Lilli and Mia share a room, which is kind of weird, because Mia likes pink, where as Lilli hates the color…). I got my own room and I painted it Black and Red. It’s huge! It has its own bathroom and everything! I have my desk, a window seat, a built in wall shelf and a small bookshelf. I have a little wide screen TV. I didn’t ask for all of this, but dad kind of went over bored. I always keep my hair up, either in a pony or braided. Right now, it’s a rainbow color, thanks to my mom.
                When my dad told me he was Bi, my insides just froze. Even though he told me he loved my mom very, very much and if it came down to it, he’d choose her. I didn’t know what to say so I had him leave. After they left, I just sat there for a long while. I couldn’t read anymore so I turned on some music to try and help clear my head. What could I say for that? Yeah, I’m for gay rights and what not, but when your own father tells you he’s bi, what the hell do you say? I’ve been avoiding him so far, but I’ll have to tell him how I feel.
                Oh yes, along with me being slightly overweight and glasses, I have a stuttering problem. I’m a very shy person and would just prefer to be left alone (like I stated before). My uncle Matt hated me right off the bat. So I kicked him in the shin and ran to my dad’s side. My parents are weres. They’re both wolves. (Though, my mom can shift into any animal she wants…). Just like her pack (my mom’s) and Mark’s pack, except for Shawn. (That’s right. I live with HBK). He’s human and he’s married to my Aunt Kura. (Who’s a were snow leopard, I swear, she’s a ninja too, but she denies that fact with a twinkle in her eyes). I’m a huge DX fan, but shh.  I closed my eyes and listened to Metallica’s “Turn the Page” my favorite song.  

Friday, January 7, 2011

Jeff wanted me to post this.

Jeff said that this is his song for me...


They read you Cinderella
You hoped it would come true
That one day your Prince Charming would come rescue you
You like romantic moviesYou never will forget
The way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet
All this time that you've been waiting
You don't have to wait no more

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I will give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me
If you give me a chance
I can love you like that

I never make a promise, I don't intend to keep
So when I say forever, forevers what I mean
I'm no Casanova, but I swear this much is true
I'll be holdin' nothin' back, when it comes to you
You dream of love that's everlasting
Well, baby open up your eyes

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I will give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me
If you give me a chance
I can love you like that

If you want tenderness, I've got tenderness
(Tenderness, tenderness)
And see through, to the heart of you
If you want a man who understands
(Want a man)
You don't have to look very far
I can love you

I can, I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I will give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl
I will give you my heart, be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me

I can love you like that, I would make you my world
Move heaven and earth, if you were my girl

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Dentist Hell and Mark.

Went to the dentist today to get fillings for 3 of my teeth. Silver fillings. (*I've always had white...*). Well, they gave me 2 shots in the beginning to try and numb me. Well, my dentist starts drilling and all of a sudden, she must have hit a nerve. I jump, scaring the assistant and making the dentist jump back. Well, the drill was still in my mouth, so it left a "dragon" look to it. When I jumped, Mark growled...Loudly. The dentist gave me more shots and I was good.

Now? I'm hungry as fuck and my face is still numb. Sigh...

Odd musi

Wow. And here I thought Drew and Dave insisting I roll over to my back to try to eas the back pain was funny... Yeah, whenever my back/shoulderblade area hurts, they do that. Does help some.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Big Show and Sam. Night Time convo 1.

So, I didn't get to bed til around...4am. Got up at 5:15am... *sigh* Anyway, when I was trying to fall asleep, Paul and I were talking. Here's how it went:

Paul: Can't sleep?
Sam: No. My fuckin' back is hurtin...
Paul: You have your TV on.
Sam: Thank you, Cap't obvious!
Paul: Smart ass. Turn it off, maybe you'll sleep better.

So I shut it off and look at my ceiling. Well, I have my different bags hanging on the back of my door, and my friends and I watched Rob Zombies "Halloween" Which, it didn't scare me like I thought it would. But anyway...

Sam: I think somebodies in here...Side's my ghost, Donny.
Paul: Who?
Sam, sheepishly: Mike Meyers?
Paul: Your imagination is going wild.
Sam: I know! Just...check it out.

*giggles* So he does...when he turns around I'm gone...Well, I slipped behind him and I jumped on his back. He jumped . I pounced on my bed and laughed. He glared.

Paul: Not funny!
Sam: I'm sorry, Teddy...
Paul: I'm gonna get you back.
Sam: I know.

What does he do? He goes and he makes the grudge woman noises. Told him he won. Fucker.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Sam,
I'm sorry for shutting you out, sorry for not demanding you be a bother. I need you to let me see when things have you down, let me know you need me more.
I need to keep saying I love you, no matter what, no matter where we are or who's around. You're my heart and soul.
I don't mind when you give me a hard time. I cherish the time we have together, the affection you show me day in and day out.
I will be there come rain or come shine. I'll always catch you when you fall, never to let you fall into the neverending darkness.
I love you. I need you. Always and forever.

Mark

Mark

Mark,

I'm sorry for being a disappointment...
I'm sorry for being a bother
I need you...
To be there for me..
When things get bad..

Even when I don't say it
I do need you.
I don't say it enough.
"I love you"
My voice whispers in the dark.

I give you a hard time...
But the affection is there...
In my eyes...
In my words...
May not seem like it...
But it's there..

I'll always be there for you...
Even when you don't want me too...
Don't let me go...
Don't let me fall
Into oblivion...

I grasp your hand
And pull you towards me
Holding you tight
As I breath in your scent

I need your love
I need you here
With me...
I need you...

Forever...
And...
Always...

Sam.

Rest in Peace

My body is nothing but a shell. The person that used to reside in it doesn't exist. I'm going through the motions, hoping that they don't notice the pain. And let me rest in peace. Let me rest in peace, let me get some sleep, let me take my love and put it in a hole six feet deep. A whisper in the dead girls ear doesn't make it real, what does it make it? Am I dead...or alive? In between?

I let Spike take advantage of me... I let him use me...Why? Because I wanted to feel...I wanted to know why I was brought back... I can't sleep... Can't eat... I'm not the same person I was...But I'll try. I was always brave and kind of righteous. Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor? Still, my friends don't know why I ignore the million things are more I should be dancing for...

There was no pain... No fear, no doubt, till they pulled me out of heaven... So that's my refrain, I live in hell, cause I've been expelled from heaven...I think I was in heaven...

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused... I wish we could go back...but we can't. Could it be you've lost me? Can't you find me again? I'll draw you a map... Please...

I need your love... I'm losing the love that I knew... Help me get it back... I push you away because I don't want to hurt you anymore. I need to be myself, just so I can make you happy... Be the same girl you loved... I'm sorry... I know you'll forgive me... You always do...