Mark,
Understanding and love… How do I give it when I guess you’ve already had it? You ask me what’s wrong and I say nothing… That I’m okay… The truth is that I’m not ok. I’m not ok because I guess I shouldn’t have to ask you to write me letters… I’m not asking for songs or anything fancy… I’m not asking you to take me out to dinners or anything romantic… I loved it when you used to write me little notes or letters, surprising me with a bouquet of roses… How you’d whisper sweet nothings into my ear as we made love…
I liked it when you showed that you cared… Now it seems like I’m the only one who cares about this relationship… I need somebody to lean on when I’m down… I need you to hold me when I cry; I need you to reassure me that everything’ll be ok when I have a nightmare. I need you to be strong when I’m weak. I need you… To be you… I don’t even know who that is anymore… I’m not romantic… I try not to be… I don’t want to have to ask you to keep our relationship alive anymore… I guess you’re free to do whatever you want.
I… Just want you to be you again… To show that you care in your own way… Just like you used to do. I liked how you used to surprise me. I remember one time you used to show up at band rehearsal just to give me flowers… Back when we were first starting out. Or how you’d be waiting on your Harley with that smirk on your face as you’d look at me and say “Get on” and we’d go for a drive. I can also remember a time you nearly made me miss a tour because you wanted to keep me in bed. But that was back when we first started out.
Sometimes, I wish we could go back to those times… But then I realized it wouldn’t do us any good… Why? Cause then we wouldn’t know the things we know now. When I married you, I swore forever and always… I knew what people would say and I didn’t care—I still don’t care what people say about us. When I mated you… I knew the risks… I didn’t expect for you to keep calling me your mate instead of your wife all the time, but I can deal, I suppose.
I guess I should suck it up like a man, ne? Stop complaining and enjoy the moments that I have with you…Cherish them. I don’t expect a long response back… But if you do give me one, that’d be badass…
Always,
Sam.
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