Mara

My dearest Mara, 

If you’re reading this, I’m probably dead. I'm deeply sorry for how I treated you. It wasn't right and you deserved better... when you left, I locked myself away into the demon counsel. Sleep avoided me until my body gave out. I figured that you would come back to me. When you didn't, I realized that I fucked up. But my pride refused to let me admit what a fucking bitch I was. I hope that you and our child will be happy. I left the house and everything in it to you. 

I know that you wanted to get married… But I didn’t want you to marry a monster who treated you like shit. I saw how hurt you were when I would come back smelling of other women and nearly verbally abusing you… I wasn’t ready for a mate yet. I didn’t know how to take care of another person. I joined the demon counsel when I was 17 and I had to shut down every emotion (except anger) and be mentally and physically strong. Then you came along and I thought that if I barked orders at you, you’d just take it and fight back. You were fragile going into our relationship and I just made it worse. I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses, but it’s the truth.

Our child will be just as beautiful as you are, my saving grace. I know that you tried to keep our relationship growing and strong, but I wasn’t very willing… I did love you, Tamara… When you left me, after a few days, I realized that you weren’t coming back to me… I sat on the couch and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I sobbed for hours, holding your shirt you forgot and your picture. Trying to hold onto the precious memories that we had made. I didn’t know what else to do so I drank myself to death.

I’m sorry to leave you behind. What I did was fucking selfish… Then again, that’s me, I guess. Live on for our precious child, baby. I’m not able to physically be there, but I will always be watching over you. If we have a son, name him Devril Lucian James…please? I will always love you. I’m just sorry I didn’t treat you better.

Love always and forever,

Ayva

Ayva

Baby,
       You're much better than anyone I had before. And I'm not leaving you just because you're not affectionate after sex. I've had to learn to be strong.
       Baby... You're trying just by letting me stay with you, by loving me... I see how you look at me when you think I'm not looking, how much love there is in your eyes...
       I never said I wouldn't have my weak moments, Ayva, just that you wouldn't have to deal with them.
       Honestly... I sort of did, too. But I do love you.

Love,

Tamara

 

 

PS. I'm not leaving you.

'Mara

Tamara,

You deserve better than me. I'm not a very affectionate person. After sex, I'll push you away or leave. I know that you're strong...

I'm not trying very hard... You're so fucking beautiful and sexy and caring... I couldn't stand if something happened to you. That's why I distance myself... But I'm hurting you in the process.

I came home early and found you up in our bed crying over me. You didn't know that I was there. I never said loving me was going to be easy.

To be honest, when I first met you, I though tall you were was a fuck toy. Somebody I'd fuck and never see again.

I'm ...sorry

Ayva

(P.S.) 

I'll understand if you don't want

to marry me anymore. Just leave

the ring on my desk in my study if you

do change your mind. 

Ayva

Baby,

       I don't mind you bossy. You at least explain why. Mean and bitchy? I've seen worse. I know how you feel... But I like knowing you're happy with me, that you love me. And you're the only person I want by my side. As for the nightmares... You've driven them away. They don't even surface when you're stuck with the council.

       I know you won't. And I rather enjoy the sex. I'm happy I did too. New Orleans is so beautiful! And the food! Soooo good! And Ceasar's happy here too.

       I love you so much, baby... I'm finding out more ways to love you all the time. I don't regret loving you, because you treat me so much better than I thought I could ever deserve. And the council... Does take up more of your time than would be fair to our children if we had them now. Maybe in a few years when things have calmed down, but not now.

       My answer is yes to all your questions, baby. Yes, I will always love you. Yes, I will always make you happy. Yes, I will gladly marry you. And I will happily spend forever with you. I'm glad your demon is happy. I mean it when I say I love all of you, demon side included. You deserve to be as happy as you make me.

 Love,

Mara

Mara

‘Mara,

               

                I know that I seem bossy. I know that I seem mean and bitchy, but I’m not. I’m still getting used to having a mate. As time went on, I realized that I can’t…live without you anymore. I need you by my side. I love you, Tamara. I promise to keep your nightmares and fears away. I noticed that you haven’t had any nightmares about Yuri lately.

                I’m not a very easy person to live with sometimes, but like I told you last night: I will NEVER take my anger out on you—maybe sexually, but I will never verbally or physically or mentally abuse you. I’m happy that you agreed to live with me in New Orleans. Even with that yapping, furry pommy mutt! Don’t get me wrong, the dog is okay and I’m happy as all hell he’s housebroken…

                Anyway, I love you more than you will ever know. I know that I may be gone a lot with the counsel and stuff, but I know that you’re back at home, waiting for me. The reason I don’t want kids right away is because well, I’m not ready—(You’d think I would be, considering I grew up in a rather large family and helped take care of the younger kids below me), the council takes up a lot of my time and theirs you. My darling, precious Tamara; my sweet, sexy angel. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. My dad says that about my mom all the time. Even as a half demon, I don’t know how I even deserve you with all the horrible things I’ve had to do.

                “Starting over” with you should be fun. I already asked you to be my mate and you said yes. But ‘Mara, baby…

Would you marry me?

Would you spend the rest of your life with me?

                Would you make me happy and love me forever? I’m not saying that it’ll be easy and all a bed of roses… I want you to be mine. My demon is finally content now… She’s not as bitchy and angry. She’s actually purring now.

I love you. I don’t want to ever lose you, baby.

Love,

Ayva

Ayva

Lover,
       I know I should be. But I'd much rather be with you. You're the one I love, the one I feel safest with.
       Honestly? I don't mind waiting if you're not ready yet. Maybe, maybe not... I read online that doctors can swap out DNA in sperm and egg cells, so homosexual couples can have children that carry both their DNA. And Sasha... I don't know if he'd be able to produce viable swimmers since he mated Kitty.
       I know, baby. You're nothing like Yuri that way. You're far better, and much better looking, too. I know you'd help take care of our baby, no matter what. I love you too.
       I'm happy with you, Ayva. Trust me.

Love,

Tamara

Tamara

'Mara,

You should be with someone who can give you kids. Someone who can love you.
I won't be ready for kids for a few more years yet... You want them now. I can't give you that and I don't want to keep you waiting... You'd look so beautiful with that pregnant glow around you, baby... You wouldn't be carrying my child. You'd be carrying somebody else's. I don't know how I feel about that-- but that's the only way for you to get pregnant. Maybe Sasha would be willing to donate his sperm or something.

The counsel has been keeping me very busy. I'm short-tempered, I have a short fuse. I will never take my anger out on you. EVER. I want you to be happy, baby. I don't want to deny you motherhood if you want it so bad and I don't want to see you deny yourself something just because I don't want it. If you did get pregnant, yes, I would help you with the child. I..love you.

Don't deny yourself the chance to be a mother, Tamara. Be happy.

Love,
Ayva