My Guys

Guys,

Taker, you ARE that damn sneaky. I know it was you who molested me in my sleep and made me orgasm in my sleep.
I've been studying a lot and Tuesday is coming fast. I don't know if I can, but I have a good feeling that I'm going to pass it. I just have a feeling that I won't have any time for you once college starts. Sigh...
I've got alot on my mind...

Love
Sam

Sammi

Sammi,

 We know that with you studying for the test and our schedules, we don't have the time we'd like for each other. But hopefully, that may change. (Ad hopefully, you'll pass that damn test!- Hunt) And Taker... He's damn patient where you're concerned. Just don't be surprised if he's hanging around in the background while you're studying, just watching you. He's truly that damn sneaky. (I am not. - Taker) We'll definately be takin' you up on pulling you aside when we can, babe.

Love you always,

Hunt, Randy, Kev and Taker

My Guys

Randy, Hunt, Taker, and Kevin,

I thought about writing you all separate letters, but then thought against it because I'm too lazy and I'm busy as hell as it is.

I know we haven't been spending a lot of time together as of late and I know that you all cherish the moments we DO get... But it still won't stop me from feeling bad... I spend all (or most) of my time with Mark, and none with you... Especially Taker.... Sigh.

You've all heard me talking with Kat about how stressed out I am and what not. Like I said, I have a lot going on for next Tuesday... My future is riding on this. I'll break if I don't pass the test this time. I will be depressed and cry and not do anything.

You know I love you all. Very much. You know I'll make time for you, no matter how busy I am. All you have to do is ask me. Pull me aside or whatever. I'm not going to bite your heads off. <3

How have you all been doing? Been holding up okay? You know I care about you all.

Love you,
Sam

My darlin'.

My dear Sam,
  Of course I'll catch your heart and keep it safe. I always will.

  I'm sorry I haven't done right by you in the past. I know we've hurt each other, sometimes to the point we lose the bond, but we bounce back. We somehow keep the faith that our love would come back, and it will now.

  I know I'm not the easiest man to love, never claimed to be.All I as is that you try. Even if what we've had is all we get. I suppose we'll find a way to be happy with that, won't we babe?

  Your my strength, Sam, always have been, always will be. Seeing your sleepy smile in the morning gives me hope that the day will be good somehow. Knowing you're waiting for me at the end of the day gives me the strength to get through whatever the world hurls at me. Your love lights up all the dark places in my soul. You are my life, my soul, my everything. How would I go on without you? Very miserably.

  And don't think you haven't given me anything.You give me hope, love and life. Best of all, you bring me joy every day we're together. You make me laugh. You make me feel content, like everything in my world is finally in its proper place.

  I know I should have told yo all of this long ago and kept reminding you of it... Baby, you truly are my better half, the bright shining star to my darkness, the yin to my yang, my heart. Please don't ever leave me.

  I love you so very much, babe.

  Always and forever,

  Mark

MARK!!!

Mark,

We used to be so happy. Not caring about what the world thought about us. I don’t know what else you want me to say, what you want to hear. The truth about my past, impossible, he’d turn away from me. He’s holding back he’s hiding, but what, I can’t decide. I wish we could go back and do it right… But sometimes, I wish we didn’t.

Can you feel the love tonight? I don’t know if I can… I could at one point. I guess it’s all my fault. I guess this is what I get for not giving it my all.

            I wish I could see your face, just one more time. I wish that I didn’t hurt you like I do. I wish that I could love you, even with all my faults. I wish that we could find happiness. Our love can touch us and last a life time. I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m not going to say I’m sorry, because that’s not what you wanna hear.

            It’s because you loved me. Because you never gave up on me. Because you’re a stubborn son of a bitch. Because you never gave up. You were my strength when I was weak… You were my voice when I couldn’t speak. You were my eyes when I couldn’t see. You saw the best there was in me. Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach. Gave me faith because you loved me. You were always there for me... You gave me so much and I gave you so little in return. You’ve been my inspiration, through the lies you were the truth… I’m everything I am… Because you loved me.

            Don’t say the same old things you always say… I’m spilling my heart to you… Would you catch it and keep it safe? When you touch me like this and you hold me like this, I have to admit, it’s all coming back to me. Would you watch over it? It’s all coming back to me now… There were nights of endless pleasure… Baby, baby, if I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that, it was not long ago when it was all coming back to me now. If you need me like this and you need me like that… It’s hard to resist…

            Tell me what you’re thinking… What you’re feeling… Not in some short, letter… But some, long, long, one…

I love you, my darling.

Love,

Sam

Happy Birthday

Kat,

We wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. We hope you had a fun and good day.


From,

Sam and her pack.

Mark. Important.

My Darling,

            I can’t go on like this anymore. I’m sorry I put you through so much pain and anger and whatever else I made you feel. Something good will be coming through or happening and I always ruin it whenever I go into a funk. I hate myself and you should hate me too. I know that you’re going to say that you love me and that you can’t live without me, but you’ve said that a million times before. I’ve heard it all before.

            I’m tired of crying myself to sleep. I’m tired of feeling angry all the time. Baby please, I’m reaching out to you, but you’re always out of reach to me. Look at me, I’m way past pride. I just wanna be us again. But time, it seems has different plans; I’m tired of feeling like shit all the time. You’re a part of me, and when that part is gone, I feel empty inside.

            I wanna hear you say those unspoken words to me. I just… I just… I don’t know anymore..

Sam.

Mark 5

Mark,

Why don't you trust my Vancouver friends all that much?

I have my hobbies. I write and I read and I sing-- Sometimes.

I love the feeling of you on me... Or besides me, holding me close and watching old matches of you wrestling... I love watching old matches of you... How cocky you were, how.. sexy you were... (You still are all of those things, plus many more...)

I wish I could be a better person... I know I could be... But I'm trying now... I always have.. I guess...

I wish we could have these conversations sometime...

Love,
Sam

Sam IIII

Sam,
  As much as I know you hate hearin' 'bout her hobbies and shit, this is why Kit knits so much. It's her stress relief, her way of keeping her hands occupied so she doesn't go on a killing spree like the rest of the pack's afraid she would if she didn't have it.
  God... I didn't want it to end, either. Love watching how much pleasure I give you when I'm in you, thrusting... Feeling your body on mine. Love knowing how much you enjoy it.
  I can understand wanting to just chill and hide in your room, considering the stess you're dealing with.
  Treasure the good moments you have with him, babe.
  Y'know what? I hated seeing you move away from the friends you had, away from your home. Where you are isn't your home, the friends you have now... I don't trust them all that much. And you know what? I have a feeling you'll be getting something good for all you do. Maybe not now but soon.
  Keep saving what you can, 'cause you never know if you'll need that plan.

Love always,
Mark

Mark IIII

Mark,

I guess no matter how hard I try, I don't know what to do. One minute I'm unstressed, and then the next I'm not. I'm more pissed off and annoyed. Last night did help, but I wished it would've lasted longer. I wish the pleasure didn't stop, I love seeing you ontop of me. Having your powerful, hard body rubbing against my soft one.

I'm bored with my life. I have no energy as of late to do anything. All I wanna do is watch The Simpsons and lay in bed all day. Maybe read...

No matter how pissed off I get at my uncle, I guess we have our moments. As for my ol' man... He's fucked up. When I was younger, I didn't understand why he wasn't there for me, or why he never stuck up for me. But as I got older, I slowly learned the truth and came to hate my dad. There was a time where he wouldn't call for months on end and he wouldn't see me for a year. When we were moving to Vancouver, he showed up almost every other weekend. I hated him for doing that. Why was he entering my life now? Questions ran throughout my head, but I quickly squashed them, knowing that I wouldn't get the answer that I desired.

I hated moving. At first, I was excited. But as time grew on, I started hating myself. I hated the very person I am and I loved the person I was. I didn't wanna make new friends, I didn't plan on love. I wanted to go to college and that was that. The most exciting part of living here was when mom broke up with Dallas. That slob was pissing me off because he kept eating all my food. He left messes and it wasn't healthy. He kept fucking up and I hated him for it. I hated my mom for dating him. I thought life would get better, but it didn't.

Most days, I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of living in my shell and being polite to people. I wanna break the rules and break the laws. I'm tired of being my friends "Concious". I hate mine, why would I wanna be anybody elses? I hate being the person that gives and gives and asks for nothing in return. When I go to college, I'll show them. I'll show everybody that I can make it.

I wanna run away and never look back. You see, the way I planned it all out was I'd save enough money and then leave during the night. I'd change my name (which I already know what it is.), I'll change my identity and leave the states and start over.

I don't know anymore,
Love,
Sam

Sam III

Sam,

 Mmm, last night... I truly hope that helped you relax like you needed to so bad. All the stress... Especially from your ol' man... Remember, he knows you're better right now than he'll ever be so he'll always be trying to bring y'down.

 The shitter... Pretty damn apt description of it right now. Just remember, you can draw on the rest of the pack if you need help, not just me or Kit. And as for not remembering what happened last night... Might be a damn good thing, cause we fragged Kit's Shields pretty damn good...

 Getting away from the drama is good, but not through dyin', babe... Y'never know if you'll wind up her with us or... Somewhere else. When Eddie died, it took him awhile to get to us and he hadn't committed suicide.

 I know you're hating your shields sucking... Just remember, we're all here to help.

 All I can say is to remember you're so much better than your uncle is... You aren't mean like he is.

 I know you want a break from all the drama... But remember, you'll be happier when you get into your own place in college! You'll be away from the idiot uncle!

Don't ever forget how much I love you, darlin' Sam!

Always and forever,

Mark

Mark III

Mark,

Damn you for getting me last night. I was fully prepared to go to sleep. Then you nuzzled my neck and your hands roamed my body, trying to wake me up out of my peaceful doze. When you finally did, you entwined our fingers together, and we cried out in pleasure together.

I don't know what happened last night, but I was really tired and frazzled out. Everybody is counting on me for the 30th and I don't want to let them down. Things are going in the shitter really fast and it won't slow down. I'm struggling just to keep up with the every day demands that are usually required of me.

I'm tired of people's bullshit and drama... I wish I could just go away, change my name, location, and everything about me if just to escape reality for awhile. I wish I was dead, that way when I go into "My Heaven" I'll be with you and at the Ranch forever.

My dad called me yesterday. He tried pulling the guilt trip over and over again. (He called twice). It didn't work, but for a split second, it did. Try as I mgiht, my shields are going to shit and I try everyday to get them to go back to being strong once again. Sometimes, your strength just isn't enough. Sometimes, I have to do shit on my own, even if it frightens me.

Tomorrow is Saturday and mom wants me to go on a trip with her. I'm all for it, it's just I wonder how long everything will take, I mean... I have alot of shit to do, but I wanna get away from my uncle, who's been pissing me off alot lately and he's making me feel like shit and he doesn't even realize it.

I'm writing you this letter because it seems like you're the only one who'll listen. The only one who hears my cries for help and my screams for sanity. I need to get away from reality. I need a break from life. I need to get the fuck out of here and I'm prepared to do it anyway possible.

Well, that's all I have to write, I guess.
Love,
Sam.

Memories

"All of my memories keep you near"

Oh, how I wish that were true, but the memory of you keeps me numb. The very mention of your name feels strange on my tongue as I try and forget everything and anything about you.

"Darling you know I'll love you til the end of time"

No matter what I do, I can't seem to forget about you. My heart can't stop loving you, no matter how hard I try and forget you.

"If you love me, let me go!"

Let me go. Forget about me. Forget about everything we ever had. Forget the happiness, the sadness, the anger, the love.

"I still press your letters to my lips and cherish them in parts of me that sever with every kiss"

The letters you wrote. The notes you wrote. Is it suppose to be enough? I press them to my lips as the tears come down my face. I sob for the fact that I hate myself for loving you. Sometimes, I wish you weren't my friend... It'd be easier to hate you... But I can't..

"You asked me to love you and I did"

You asked me and I did. I love you, Mark.

"Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage, again"

What is our love? How far does it go? I question myself...



I love you, Mark... Never forget.

I'm sorry

Sam,
 I'm sorry Mark's pack isn't good enough, I'm sorry I'm not stronger... You deserve better than us.
Kat

Sam II

Dearest Sam,

 I hate when you're in a funk and pull away... You know I'll support you even more then. Just hate seeing you down or really stressed as hell.

 And hell yes, I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. You know I'll always roll with you, babe.

To be honest... I feel the same way with you. I'm damn lucky that you love me. And I admit, I wasn't sure at first if you were just an overzealous fan or if you truly did love me, but you kept workin' at my defenses. You broke through and pulled out the caring person that I didn't know I had. And I trust you so much.

 When we met, I wanted to make you mine, and you surprised me with how much you wanted me as yours, how much you still do. And to be honest, I will always want you here with me, keeping me sane and happy.

 I wish I had told you back then how much I love you, but we have each other now, always will.

Always and forever your man,

Mark

Mark II

Mark,

I know what you say is true, but sometimes I don't want to believe it. When I'm low in a funk or pissed off all to hell, I wanna push you out and never let you back in. You make me happiest girl alive..

If I gave you my hand would you take it and make me the happiest woman alive?

Sometimes, when I look at you, I can't believe that you're mine... I just wish that you would've told me you loved me when we first met. Instead, I guess we both went through hell.. When I first saw you, I thought that I would only see your 'In Ring' persona. I didn't know what to expect from you. But I love the side that nobody ever gets to see. I love the smiles that only you show me. The things that you only show me. I love the dominate side you have, the protective side you have of me.

I didn't wanna put any stress on you... or ever. But when we first met, I wanted.. no, needed, to make you mine. Not just because of the mate bond. I needed to have you as mine.

I wish that I could tell you how I felt from the very first moment we met... But I don't think you'd wanna hear it...

Love you, studmuffin,
Sam

Sam

Dearest Sam,

 I'm sorry I can't do more to help you with the stress you're facin' now, and I'm sorry the dream freaked you out so much... Just know I'm not leavin' you anytime soon, God's will or no. You're my whole life, my whole world, my everything, I promise you. You truly mean more to me than I could ever truly express, written or verbally. I know Kit Kat's told you I was damn near to feral when you came, and it's the God's honest truth. I was almost a half-step from just shifting and disappearing into the wild.
 When you came to us, you brought reason back into my life, a reason to stay human. I fell in love with you the first time we met, and didn't look back. Just having you to love is a blessing that I treasure every day, and always will. I know we've had our rough spots, had our bond broke and take it's time healin', but it always comes back so much stronger. We won't ever lose it, even if it seems that way in the middle of a break.
 I love you, babe. Always and forever.
 Mark

Mark-- 8/18/11

Baby,

I wish I could say that I'm alright. I wish I could tell you with absoulte certainty that I'm going to be okay, but I'm not. I'm feeling bored with my life and...

I had a dream about you last night. The dream went something like this..

We were both laying in our bed as I rested my head resting on your chest as your hand trailed up and down my bare back. The only sounds were that of our breathing as I looked up at you as you offered me a small, gentle, smile that only I get to see. I leaned up and kissed you softly. You gave me a soft chuckle as you kissed me back. We both dozed off together, but when I woke up, you weren't there. A note that you wrote me was in your place. I picked it up and read it as it said:

Darlin',

There are no words that can express how much I love you. Every single moment I spend with you, makes me fall deeper in love you. I love you more then you will ever know-- Don't you ever forget that. I'm sorry I'm not there to see you wake up, to see you offer me that sleepy smile first thing in the morning. I wish I could say that I'm going to stay by your side forever, even though we did promise Always and Forever. I didn't want you to worry about me when you woke up, discovering that I wasn't there. I guess God decided it was my time. I'll be watching you from above, guiding you along the way. Stay strong, baby. I will always love you.

Love,
Mark.

I dropped the note as my body went cold. I looked at your pillow and buried my face into it as I sobbed. 

That was my dream.. I woke up crying and shaking. All this stress is getting to me, no matter how hard I try to relax.

Write me a long love letter... Please...

Love,
Sam