Mark IIII

Mark,

I guess no matter how hard I try, I don't know what to do. One minute I'm unstressed, and then the next I'm not. I'm more pissed off and annoyed. Last night did help, but I wished it would've lasted longer. I wish the pleasure didn't stop, I love seeing you ontop of me. Having your powerful, hard body rubbing against my soft one.

I'm bored with my life. I have no energy as of late to do anything. All I wanna do is watch The Simpsons and lay in bed all day. Maybe read...

No matter how pissed off I get at my uncle, I guess we have our moments. As for my ol' man... He's fucked up. When I was younger, I didn't understand why he wasn't there for me, or why he never stuck up for me. But as I got older, I slowly learned the truth and came to hate my dad. There was a time where he wouldn't call for months on end and he wouldn't see me for a year. When we were moving to Vancouver, he showed up almost every other weekend. I hated him for doing that. Why was he entering my life now? Questions ran throughout my head, but I quickly squashed them, knowing that I wouldn't get the answer that I desired.

I hated moving. At first, I was excited. But as time grew on, I started hating myself. I hated the very person I am and I loved the person I was. I didn't wanna make new friends, I didn't plan on love. I wanted to go to college and that was that. The most exciting part of living here was when mom broke up with Dallas. That slob was pissing me off because he kept eating all my food. He left messes and it wasn't healthy. He kept fucking up and I hated him for it. I hated my mom for dating him. I thought life would get better, but it didn't.

Most days, I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of living in my shell and being polite to people. I wanna break the rules and break the laws. I'm tired of being my friends "Concious". I hate mine, why would I wanna be anybody elses? I hate being the person that gives and gives and asks for nothing in return. When I go to college, I'll show them. I'll show everybody that I can make it.

I wanna run away and never look back. You see, the way I planned it all out was I'd save enough money and then leave during the night. I'd change my name (which I already know what it is.), I'll change my identity and leave the states and start over.

I don't know anymore,
Love,
Sam