Mark

My Sweet Vengeance,

1/23/11

8:17am

                What can I say that you haven’t heard already? I sit here trying to think of something…Anything. My mind draws blank. You’ve heard it all before. I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to get upset. I feel useless like this. I feel unable to help. I hate feeling like this. I tried force, but it only hurt me in the end.

                I keep trying. Over and over again, I try. Nothing’s working. I’m not going to give up. I miss you. I miss the way you’d hold me at night. I miss the way you’d stroke my hair. I miss the way you’d try and comfort me after a bad nightmare, even though I push you away.

                You’re too good for me. I guess in some way, you saved me from myself. You’re a stubborn man, always trying to push your way into my life. Trying to break my barriers I have set. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You make me angry and frustrated. You make me smile.

                The bed is cold on your side. It doesn’t feel right without you there. I love both Randy and Hunter very, very much. I wish Randy could see that. I know he does. Hunter had to knock him out again, said he hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Hunt’s my saving grace, I swear. I’ll always love you, no matter what happens.

Love,

Lil Darlin’