Why
By: Sa5mwise
I watched as they all gathered around. I watched as Mark struggled to keep the tears at bay, hands at his side, head down. I watched Shawn preached on as he struggled to keep the tears at bay, but a few slipped out. I watched my pack—no… My best friends cry and hold one another… I guess I don’t really have much to say about it. What does one say? I made my choice and I know I hurt the people around me…
I was happy… He made me happy… The one who held my heart from day one… The one who so effortlessly made me his… I know I may sound greedy and needy… But truth be told, I was just…content… I was content at life, yet you’re asking yourself why I killed myself… The answer… I was depressed… I constantly pushed them all away in hopes to feel better… Did it? A little bit… I was just too fucking depressed to do anything about it… I let the darkness win and now I’m dead…
I guess in the end… I just hurt everybody that I ever loved… My friends… My family…
I watched as they lowered my coffin into the ground… I watched as everybody left but Mark… I watched him sink to his knees and wrap his arms around my headstone, sobbing… I watched him begging and pleading for me to come back… That he loved me… so very much…
I wish I could wrap my arms around him… I wish I could tell him that everything will be ok… I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for all the hurt that I caused him in the end and throughout. I wish I could tell him how much of an asshole I feel…
I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I wish I could tell him my love for him is unconditional. I wish I could tell him that I’ll see him again… I wish I could feel his arms around me… I wish I could feel his addictive kisses. I wish I could hear his soothing voice over and over again… I wish I could hear his heart next to my ear at night… I wish I could hear him laughing…
I wish I could tell him I’m sorry I killed myself…
I wish…
That I was still…
Alive.
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