Adri
By: Rio
You look like a homeless person…Rang out
in my head over and over again as I looked up at the ceiling. This room had no
windows; I yearn for windows…To see the sunrise, to see the sunset… All this
room really had was a small, very narrow path from the door to my bed. I don’t
know why I chose this room… The clothes I own used to be new… My mom’s right… They’re going to fall asleep when I
go to wash them next. They kept buying me new clothes and I kept giving them
back. Why? Because I wanted to go pick them out; I know that I shouldn’t be
picky about when someone buys me new clothes… Truth is, I hate shopping at
Goodwill. My shoes are falling apart, my favorite pair of boots are pretty much
destroyed…
Let me buy you some new clothing, Addy…
Please? My mom’s voice rang out in my head as I bit my lip. God, I wanted
to scream out, “Yes! Please!” but I
refrained. Why? New clothes cost money and I know that my mom isn’t hurting for
it, but if I can fix what I have…Please…That’s
an excuse and you know it. That nagging little voice in the back of my head
rang out. Yeah, I know it is… I wanna go up to her and tell her to take me
shopping… I wanna break free and tell her everything; I wanna tell her what I like…
to stop being the trouble child; I want my parents to stop worrying about me…
my own twin is worried about me.
I got
up and stumbled over to the mirror that’s hanging on the door. Oh yeah. No
bathroom in this room either. My pajamas were old and ratty, too. I flipped on
the light and reached over for my wallet. Opening It, I found about 200$ in
cash. I tossed it onto my bed as I grabbed a towel and my toiletries, and a
pair of clothes and made my way to the hall bathroom. The bigger rooms have bathrooms
in them, another thing I yearn for.
I didn’t
feel any better after my shower; I dried off and got into some clothes. I had
asked my roommate at Underwood if I could borrow some a shirt and jeans. She
happily let me do it. I picked out a pair of blue skinny jeans with the British
flag (My roommate is British) on the left pocket and a pink Pikachu long
sleeved shirt. I pulled on some socks, braided my hair as I left. Padding back
to my room, Oscar looked at me, eyes wide.
“Holy
crap! You’re wearing new clothes!” He nearly fainted as I rolled my eyes.
“I’m
borrowing them.” I informed him
“You’re
really hurting mom, Adri” He whispered
“How?”
I asked, head tilted
“By not
letting her buy you new clothes. She cried last night… You’re staying in that
storage room that’s not big enough…”
“Shove
it, Oscar, and leave the hell alone” I snapped.
With
that, I went back to my “room”. Before my dad picked me up from the train
station on Friday, I went out and bought a pair of new shoes. They were a pair
of high tops and really comfortable. They were a pair of Nike high tops. White
and pink with black splatters; I slipped the shoes on, grabbed my wallet and my
sweater. I left my room and headed downstairs, looking at my parents.
“Can I
get a ride?” I asked as they looked at me.
“Who
bought you the clothes?” My mom asked
“I
borrowed them. Can I get a ride?” I repeated
They
looked at each other and sighed.
“I’ll
give you one” My dad said, standing. We went out to his Lamborghini as he
pulled out of the driveway.
“Your
mom’s hurtin’, kid” He said.
“Oscar
told me.”
“Where
are we going?” He asked
“Library”
“It’s
open on a Sunday?” He asked
“Yeah.”
I lied
We got
to the library as I thanked him, watching him drive away. I went to the bus
stop as it came. I showed the driver my card as I sat. A few minutes later, we
got to the mall. I got off as I went inside. I went to the directory as my eyes
roved over it. Now that I’m skinnier, I can pull of these skinny jeans. I
walked into Old Navy and browsed around. I whirled around when I heard my mom’s
laugh as I made myself vanish into another section of clothing, but still close
enough to listen to the conversation.
“I wish
she would let me buy her some new clothes…” she sighed
“She
wants too… she really does” Aunt Sam informed her
“Then
why won’t she tell me?” My mom asked, looking at clothes
“She
doesn’t know how… She…” Aunt Sam sighed “She’s afraid of your reaction”
“What
the hell for?” My mom asked, accent thick
“Because
she feels like she doesn’t deserve anything new”
“Where
the fuck did she gets that idea from?!” My mom growled
“Dunno.
But she told me that she wants a bigger room… She wants a lot of things, but
she doesn’t know how to tell you or Dave. So I guess she’s saving up her allowance
or something. She doesn’t want you or Dave to spend a lot of money on her
because you have Oscar and Amber… She said she had a list for her birthday, but
never told you or Dave.” Aunt Sam explained.
God…
The look on my mom’s face… It was sadness mixed with a hint of anger. I feel
guilty as hell… Maybe I should just let her buy me new clothes… I just wanna know you better… she said, I’m your daughter… You do know me. Was my
reply. Sometimes I feel like I don’t. I
don’t know what you like to do… Was I being selfish? No, I don’t think so.
I sighed softly. She’s wanted to buy me new clothes and I’ve been telling her
no… she just wants to see me happy and with new clothes… I know that she’s not
hurting for money—she told me so herself. She didn’t do anything wrong. I do
need new clothes now that winter is rapidly approaching…
I left
Old Navy, neither one of them noticing me—but I know Aunt Sam knew I was there.
I left the mall and decided to go the local teen hangout spot. It had arcade
games, a few big screen TV’s and a hang out place with couches and high top
tables, etc. I sat at one of the tables and pulled out a book.
I took
the bus home and when I walked in the front door, I came face to face with my
mother.
“Hey” I
said
“You
lied’ She growled
“About
what?” I asked
“Goin’
to the library. Your father just drove by and found it closed!”
“Shame”
was my reply
“Where
were you?” She asked
“Java
Lava”
“Why
did you lie?” She asked
“Dunno.
Can I go now?” I asked as she snarled softly
“Why
won’t you let me get you new clothes, but you’ll borrow them from someone
else?!” She nearly screamed at me. I remained silent.
“Fine…”
And with that, she left.
I
walked upstairs a few minutes after she did and walked past my parent’s
bedroom. I heard her crying softly inside. I wanted to go in there and hug her
and tell her that I’ll be fine. A part of me tells me to stop; another part of
me says does it. I softly ran my hand down the door before walking back to my “room”.
You look like a damn homeless person…You
look like a homeless person…sometimes I feel like I don’t know what you like…
Like I don’t know… I rolled onto my side, looking at the wall. The walls
were bare and white. No decoration. Plain; vanilla; boring; blah; those words
echoed in my head over and over again. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of
feeling like crap. I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m tired of holding everything
in. I want new clothes. I want a new room. I want to tell my parents that I’m a
good child… That they are good parents; I want my mom to stop hurting and
crying all the time; I want her to be happy…
Looking
over at the table, I found my pocket knife resting open. I had cut before—never
too deep. I looked at my arms, finding faint scars—part of being half mutant—the
healing bit. I rubbed my face, looking up at the ceiling. I want to tell my
parents what I want. I wanna tell them that I need a new basketball. That I
need new glasses; that I need a new journal; that I need a new chain for my necklace
they bought me for my 8th birthday. That I wanna go out for mother/daughter
or father/daughter time; that I wanna go out on tour with them sometime;
I
looked over at my knife again before picking it up. If you do that, you’re only gonna hurt her more that nagging voice
said. I know… I put the knife back and curled up on my bed, falling into an
uneasy sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment