mom

Mom,

                You’re supposed to say that I’m pretty and beautiful because you’re my parents… Barney said that? I don’t believe you.

                I do journal… I have drawers full of them… I’ve woken up from the nightmares and ended up puking and afraid to go back to sleep… I’ve tried to tear my hair out of my head… I’ve tried to kill myself. I’ve taken pills… I tried cutting…

                I’m not smart enough for Underwood… I’m not good at anything… I have NO talent… I’ll be a loser for the rest of my life. I’m tarnished for any other guy that wants to be with me… I hate that everybody is walking with eggshells around me. The only person who isn’t is Aunt Sam.

                I’m sick and tired of you crying over me… Of you going emo over me… I can hear you…

                I just… I wanna be left alone. I wanna stay locked inside my room and read. To not be bothered… Silence… Barney just said that I’m beautiful because I’m your kid. I look in the mirror and all I see is an ugly duckling. I’ll never turn into that beautiful swan… I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.

                You have two other kids to love. Just… don’t love me… Give me away to some other family… You don’t worry about Oscar or Amber nearly as much as you do me… I hate it.

Adrianna