Mark

Mark,

                I wish I could say that I’m sorry for what I said, but I’m not. I’m not sorry for anything I did. Why? Because you needed to hear it. This time away from you has been… Relaxing. We’ve taken breaks before… but this one feels different. This one feels… permanent.

                I love you, Mark. You know that. I love you with all my being. But I’m not going to be your punching bag anymore. I look down at my wedding ring and I try to come up with reasons and memories on why I married you and how much I truly love you.

                Could I walk away from you? Probably. But I’d be destroying my own heart in the process. When I got up this morning, I grabbed my special box and I went through all the letters and cards you sent me, trying to find some sort of sense on how we managed to get to where we are today.

                Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am selfish. Do I ask you to do a lot of things for me? I don’t think so… But do I? Do I ask you to go out and buy me expensive jewelry? Do I whine about how you do certain things? I don’t think so… I just let you be you… But lately…

                I know I’ve said that age has nothing to do with it and it probably doesn’t… But I’m 19 years old. You’re 47. I know it’s a large gap… But I will always love you. Do I still need more time? Maybe. But the time we spend together, the bond becomes thinner and thinner. It was a bitch to get back the last time, but what if we can’t get it back this time?

                I know you could find somebody else who could love you like I do… And I’ve got the others… Do you blame the others for taking me from you? You have every right too. I don’t blame you.

Are we going to have to try and find the love again? How can we find something that’s not there, or that won’t show itself?

-Sam